Monday, 30 March 2009

More squirming from Broon

Super porn shop

So Gordoom Brownfinger, T.W., S.G., O.E.S.I. reckons her Jackbootedness' use of Commons expenses for two mucky movies glopped over by her hubby, Dirty Dick, should be a "personal matter."

Have i missed something here? Given that ultimately, it is us as taxpayers that fund the Government and therefore anything that crops up within government expenditure, aren't we the ones who are forking out for this? I have no problem with anybody watching porn, after all i have never heard of anybody dying from an overdose of it, and whatever way a guy wants to let loose his "tension" is up to him as long as it harms no one else, whatever floats your boat i say. But to put it on Commons expenses (a fucking tenner for fucks sake) and expect us to pick up the fucking tab is just not cricket dear boy. And to top it all off the only reason she paid it back is because she got fucking caught. So come on Gord, do the math, it really isn't a personal matter is it? Or is there something else we don't know? Not having a quick one off the wrist yourself are you? Oh no that image will be seared into the back of my mind for life.

On a strange note, i notice in that article that my local Labour MP Paul Flynn is calling for her to step down. He reckons her authority is now "badly damaged". What authority was that then?

Ode to porn on expenses

Just found this on my friends' Facebook page

I spend my lonely weeks in London
Working for Gordon Brown
And crash out on my sister’s floor
Just as the sun goes down
On Friday nights I head back home,
My second home that is,
To spend some time with my true love
And get some married bliss

Dick’s waiting for me in Redditch,
Get me there driver soon
I want to lie in his strong arms
And go into a swoon
I want to collect his DNA
For my own database
I want to open my bursting blouse
And thrust them in his face

On Friday night when I got home
My second home that is,
Dick said he was all shagged out
And just gave me a kiss
On that fateful Sunday morning,
I read it in the press
Dick’s been watching some dirty films
And got us in a mess

It seems he’s been paying five quid
For “Dirty Debutantes”
Despite what’s bursting from my blouse
It’s not me that he wants
No Tarantino, no Scorsese,
No Bergmann, no Kubrick
You can’t beat old J Arthur
Says naughty, naughty Dick

Now I’m the two homes secretary
And hold the highest rank
But Dick he isn’t that impressed
He’d rather have a wank
Another Monday morning dawns
I’m heading back to town
The saddest thing is that I’ll be
Working for Gordon Brown

Oh Dick! Oh Dick! You stupid prick
I don’t mind pay to view
But you claimed it on expenses
And gave the press their cue
Next Friday when I come back home
My second home that is
I’ll be expecting rather more
Than just a friendly kiss

Sunday, 29 March 2009

Sign of the times

Fairy Liquid's new advert is set on a council estate "Mummy why are your hands so soft?" " Because I'm only 14 now shut the fuck up and eat your pot noodle!"

Wankergate 3

More magical video fuckfoolery from Grumpy

Fucking hell, the blogs are all over this one, poor Jacq is being ripped a new arsehole today, well at least by everyone who isn't her hubby Dick, after all he is too busy cracking one off on taxpayer funded expenses claims to notice.

For your added pleasure

Jacqui tries new tactics to keep her hubby from watching porn

A fucking bathplug indeed, is there no end to the things these trough-nosing greedy bastards will claim expenses from us for? Cunts the fucking lot of them....

Never been better

Aaaaahhh.....British summer time, spring has sprung, it's a beautiful sunny day, the sap is rising and all's well with the world.

Saturday, 28 March 2009

Tractor Stats

As a tribute to the much missed Tractor Stats blog, Fido (no novice himself to the art of photoshop and video fuckfoolery) has compiled a video of the photoshop masters best pics.


Friday, 27 March 2009

Gordon the Greenie Gobbler

Excellent Vid found over at Grumpy Old Twats place, hope we're going to be seeing some more from him.

Shit there's no sound for some reason, i'll have to look into that, anyway the original in all it's glory is at Grumpys' place (link above)

Update:- sound issue resolved

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Monday, 23 March 2009

Saturday, 21 March 2009


Keeping an eye on the Wales/Ireland rugger match whilst dicking about on here.....

....just got to thinking that with all this recent banking bollocks going on, i couldn't help noticing that The Royal Bank of Scotland have been involved in their many guises in one form or another. Given that we are bailing these fuckers out, and Fred the Shred can't afford to give up his gold plated pension to help them out, how the fuck can they afford to fucking sponsor fucking sport?

The fucking irony is, that although i have no problem with Scotland or Scots themselves, why the fuck is a Scottish Bank sponsoring a match between Wales & Ireland? Fucking crafty cunts.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Sunday, 15 March 2009

To waste a weekend

Apologies for any out of date info and figures on pics, after saving it i couldn't be arsed changing stuff. If the video doesn't work this time...then fuck it.

Saturday, 14 March 2009

What changed?

I have been ploughing through the book "Gordon Brown Prime Minister" by Tom Bower and have been amazed by how the one eyed trouser wetting Scottish idiot world saver changes his ideals to suit his circumstances.

"In the back of his mind lurked new doubts about [John] Smiths' tolerance of corruption in his local party"


"Brown himself was uneasy with Englands' growing multiculturalism".

The only reason these two lines stuck out more than anything was the fact that they were both printed on the same page. I'm sure that there are more i could bring up but i would need a good supply of sick bags....what a cunt.

Friday, 13 March 2009

I don't know what the world's coming to....

Jade Goody has apparently had some final photos done so her kids will have something to remember her by. She has been made up to look like Marylin Monroe.

Love her or hate her, whatever memories or knowledge anybody possesses about Monroe, anybody with an inkling of her life will know that apart from being an actress and a pin-up she was basically just a high profile slut. Not the sort of image i would want my sons to conjure up of me were i a woman, especially in Jades tragic position. Is it just me, or does anybody else find this deeply disturbing? I can only put it down to the medication screwing her mind.

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Todays Darwin Award goes to.....

....Cunt of the hour Jalal Ahmed, one of the prize chumps "protesting at the homecoming parade for the Royal Anglian Regiment in Luton.

Apart from this silly sod saying "I can't remember if i worked at Luton Airport" he also admitted being at the parade but he "did not jeer and was not holding a placard"

I think that the old philosophy 'A picture paints a thousand words' should be called very much into play here don't you? A word of caution whilst out protesting Mr. must always check to see if ones local press are not about, when one wishes to badmouth ones country and then deny it later mustn't one?

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Don't fuck with US

Dear Moh,

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...oh deary deary me... I see your bearded, bigmouthed arse-sniffers are at it again, biting the hand that feeds them as usual. They can't let an event go by without trying to lower the tone can they? A homecoming parade in Luton for some of our brave servicemen The Royal Anglian Regiment was spoiled by a bunch of your bum boys popping off at the gob, as ever, calling them cowards and killers and calling the government "terrorists". Yes Moh...terrorists!!!! I must admit that i almost choked on my Earl Grey when i read that one. Now i know the British government (if this current shambles can indeed be called such) is guilty of many things such as subsidising your mullah mates, but terrorism??? This government couldn't be trusted to organize the proverbial piss up in a brewery (maybe because they are all but out of business due to systematic pub closures). Yes this government are so terrorist that they actually sent a line of our finest boys in blue to protect your fanatical friends, from the backlash which was brewing among the natives.

Just who the fuck do these cunts think they are?

Yes Moh....a backlash!!! Not something they were expecting was it? Your buddies have been shouting at us and rattling sabres in our streets and on our TV screens virtually unopposed for so long now, that they have got complacent. They thought they would never have to face anybody having a go back for fear of being branded racist.

Aaahh, would ya look at them there with their little placards?

But guess what Moh? The natives of this country are now almost at snapping point, they have had enough of being ground down and overtaxed by this government, their piss has almost boiled to evaporation with being told they can't have jobs because Johnny Foreigner is cheaper, fed up with cameras watching their every move and then being told we have to tolerate your pals, who make up just 3% of the population, yes Moh just 3% and yet they want superiority over the natives. If they really want such a system where they can feel superior, then they can always fly over to countries where i am sure they will be only too glad to allow them to pour anger and derision upon the host government and pay them handsome state benefits and house them for the privelige, because the good people of this country are saying "NO MORE!" They are in the mood now and anybody who stands in the way will be a "Legitimate Target" i think are the words your friends use? What they saw yesterday, may just be the beginning of the backlash, they are just 3 fucking percent, they will have to realize that they are still in the minority. Let's see for how much longer they will be banging their gums for their system of things when faced with our rage. They will run like the yellow, shithanded cowards they are.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Dear Jim

Dear James Gordon Brown,

We, the taxpaying citizens of the United Kingdom, and therefore by default, your employers, do hereby give you one months notice of termination of your employment as Unelected Prime Minister of said Kingdom. This is for many reasons, a few of which are laid out below.

1. Within a few years of your government coming to power and with you presiding as Chancellor, a £52Bn black hole was discovered in pension funds, a black hole which was never satisfactorily explained, leaving people who were hoping for a decent retirement very much out of pocket in the autumn years of their lives.

2. Your refusal to accept any blame whatsoever for the current financial crisis. Since you became Unelected PM (and still haven't given us any say in the matter) you have presided over what has to be the biggest economical mess since the Second World War. You blamed the United States for starting it all, when in fact you have done nothing to alleviate any of the problems caused by your ineptitude as either PM or as Chancellor. Your willingness to let borrowing spiral out of control, with no hope of borrowers paying back stupid money, whilst allowing greedy bankers to award themselves unprecedented crazy bonuses using taxpayers cash has lead to this disaster you call an economy.

3. Surveillance. Along with your megalomaniacal Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, you have let this country become a surveillance state with over 4.2 million CCTV cameras operating on our streets, you have passed more than 3000 laws and regulations onto the statute books, claiming that it is "for our own good" and "if we have nothing to hide then we've nothing to fear". Wrong on both counts Gordon, last i looked i was nearly 42 years old, mature enough in my own mind to decide what is for the good of my family and myself, and yes i have plenty to hide, everybody does, but what i have to hide does not concern you or your interfering nosey government. I have nothing to prove to you.

4. Immigration. You removed border controls thereby allowing untold thousands of immigrants into this country, allowed them to sponge benefits to send home to their families while they themselves undercut British workers putting them out of jobs in turn. And don't get me started on "British Jobs for British Workers". You couldn't even begin to comprehend what it means to be British in a country where 1 in 10 of the population wasn't even born here, which leads me to....

5. Dhimmitude, yes Gordon that thorn in the side of the country which you refuse to remove, which could be done so easily. You allow the bearded, big mouthed preachers of hate to shout their spite and spout their shite on our streets, calling for death to Britain, Shariah Law instead of State Law, you stand by whilst they openly threaten to kill our people and tell us that under Shariah, any woman on her own without a burqua is a legitimate target for rape. Indeed you rub your hands with glee while teachers are sacked for standing up against an alien ideology which is infesting our schools and places of work, shops and supermarkets are replacing traditional products with "halal" products so as not to offend our "peaceful" friends, etc....etc....

6. We don't like you.

7. We hate you.

8. We didn't elect you.

I could go on Gordon but i only have one lifetime and i intend to make the most of it, and i am sure that you will have enough to do, what with clearing out your desk and office and such and handing the keys over to someone we decide to employ. If any of us had screwed up the company we work for (or in some cases used to work for) with the magnitude and contempt with which you have all but destroyed this country, then we would have been up the road, no questions asked, not so much as a buy your leave, maybe even ended up in court or prison, so i think you are getting off very lightly in view of what you've done.

In closing may i take this opportunity to wish you all the best of luck for the future, you will need it in this harsh climate which is all of your own making, i hope you're very proud.

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Made me grin....

Paragraph lifted from Terry Pratchett Discworld novel Guards! Guards! and applied to myself:-

"If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life"

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Digital revolution?

As we all know, by 2012 all radio and TV signals in the UK will be switched permanently from the old Analogue system to Digital. Personally i have no problem with this as digital signal is far superior to analogue given that there is no interference and such. But what i would be panicking about, is the current little choice of digital radios in the stores at present. By that i mean HI-FI etc.

Ok you have your dedicated DAB radios at about 30 notes a throw, but try and get a midi system or combined CD/Cassette/radio/mP3 player whatever you call it these days (they were called music centres back in my day) with a digital radio and they just aren't there. And the DAB things are about as much use as an ashtray on a fucking motorbike. The night shift boys in work have one and although it has great reception, you can't hear the bastard thing because the volume level is so shit you'd swear it was designed by some doddery old cunt who hates music. I've heard that this is quite a common beef with those things, though this is a pretty cool looking one as things go. But the big name Hi-Fi people had better get their act together because it's only three years away, and i want to buy a Hi-Fi with digital before then (and it's got to be a fucking Kenwood), with a big fuck off volume dial with NO fucking limit set by some old bastard who doesn't like personal stereos on the bus. The one in the picture is just an example. What happened to the days when you could proudly boast a "huge fuck off you bet your bollocks it was expensive" stereo in your room and be the envy of your mates, and piss the fuck out of your neighbours by cranking it up while Saxon or Judas Priest were on? These days everything is geared to small, what's the point of saving space if you got fuckall to put in it. Is it just me or does a tiny docking staion with it's inevitable tiny ipod/mp3 player, look fucking incongruous in the corner of a big room where a hifi used to sit? Oh and it had better have phono plugs in the back for my fucking turntable too.


One thing (or many as is really the case) that really fucks me off while i'm out, traipsing along behind the Queer One while she does her regular bank account depletion exercises,(shopping) is what is known as a chugger or charity mugger. They pull you aside while you are walking down the high street wishing the trip was over and ask "excuse me sir, do you think you can spare a few kilos of your hard earned cash sorry, moments of your time" or "we wonder if you'd be interested in sponsoring an earthworm, you can have a picture of your earthworm every six months, i promise". But the worst kind are the ones who are there, with the "yoof of today" hanging round at the checkouts in supermarkets asking if you want help with your packing and you can bet a fiver to a pinch of shit that there is a large white bucket, in anticipation of your generosity and trying to make you feel like a general uncaring bastard if you don't make make that bucket rattle with your spare coinage. But they don't do it with words mind. just a general air of "if you don't give all the people around here will look at you and think you're a tight cunt and all the hard working efforts of the local yoof rugby team to raise money for whatever shit they come up with has been wasted."

Well boo fucking hoo. Truth? I Couldn't give a parrots puffy pissflaps about charities except for one which is the NSPCC. Don't get me wrong, there are many worthwhile organizations out there who do great work and are worth donating to, but i have my chosen charity which i donate to through my wages and im damned if i'm going to be made to feel a cunt if i don't donate to others, so chuggers, stop hanging round the fucking checkouts like paul fucking gadd in Toy 'R' Us, where you know people have to pass you at a squeeze, you're really fucking me off.

A bit of light?

Recently got a phone call from the C-S-FUCKING-A. They have agreed to drop my payments by half for three months so that i can get some other, more pressing financial issues sorted, then back up in June but to £100, which hopefully i can just about live with.

The quicker this nonsense is over the fucking better. If it wasn't for those fuckers hammering me when they did and my works dropping overtime, then i would have been somewhat cushioned during the recession but there we go. At least work is picking up a little too, due to the unfortunate going to the wall of some of my firms competitors, i know that sounds a little harsh, i don't wish job losses and firm folding on anybody, but i'm just thankful i still have a job. Fucking one eyed, trouser pissing, Scottish idiot.