Saturday, 19 December 2009


I don't give a damn about global warming, as long as my feet ain't cold in the morning, If the Earth heats up i don't give a bugger, 'cause my science ain't derived from a stupid tree-hugger. (c) Turfie 09

Thursday, 19 November 2009


Recently my posts have been fewer and further between than great ideas from GB Government. But on the same token, i have been noticing and reading most of the blogs that matter and even though i haven't commented much they have sunk in. I'm just going through a really fucking silly phase lately.

Right, this evening i've imbibed/ingested/drunk " industrial amounts of red wine" * and actually noticed that i can create another blog on the same account, so i fucking did....problem is, due to drinking " industrial amounts of red wine" * i haven't got a fucking clue as to what the theme could be, my political bandwagon has basically run its course, even though i'm gargantuanally fucked off with the GB Government.

Anyway, i've named this new blog " We've got lumps of it round the back."

What i am asking of you, my friends, is an idea as to what this thing could be about? I really enjoy reading all your blogs, whether they be rants, funnies, or sillies.....and i know a few of you have found mine amusing to say the least, but as i said i need a new course so any ideas, no matter how inapropriate/daft/farfetched/or taboo they my be, would be appreciated. Cheers guys (and Gals so as not to offend the PC who might stumble across my ramblings. I really need to find a niche here.

* (c) Grumpy Old Twat.

Out of order

Went into a christmas decoration factory shop earlier with The Queer One, waiting at the till to be served (bought lights that didn't fucking work when we got home) and there was a notice nearby stating that "Offensive language towards our staff will not be tolerated, thank you for your assistance." Well that fucking pissed on my fireworks as i was about to start speaking Arabic.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Monday, 9 November 2009

Surprise surprise

Found this over at Old Holborns, think it deserves a wider viewing

Jeremy Clarkson
Sunday Times

I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I’m afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more.
He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt

I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.

There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America.

Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist.

And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.”

It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?

You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.

You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.

I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.

So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit. onto in the meantime.

Guess what? It's gone

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Happy Halloween II

Here's the one i did for tonights piss-up.

Again, Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween...

Off out on the piss tonight, our friends are having a Monty Python themed fancy dress party, so i'm going to carve a Jack o Lantern in keeping with the theme, and i will hopefully have time to load a pic of it on here before we fuck off, but meanwhile here are some i carved in recent years.

Happy Halloween, and if any little bastard thinks to shove anything through my letterbox, well....let's just say i haven't recently fed the motion activated circular saw that slides down the inside of my front door.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

I hear banjoes.....

This in the Mail.

What seriously beats the fuck out of me, is how did this inbred snot-tard get through the catflap with those fucking lugholes?

Dinga ding ding ding ding ding ding diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnggggg!

Wednesday, 21 October 2009


Over at Grumps place....

I think this is what they meant by care in the community? Fucking gerrin there Anjie boy....stupid cunt.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

More fucking intrusion,,,,,

Better get the lube ready, the cunts are going in big time now.

What gets me is she says that no images are stored or recorded. So what the fuck are they going to use as evidence? And also that it's impossible to recognize anyones face?...BOLLOCKS & DOUBLE BOLLOCKS!!! The technology for them to hone in on fine detail is theirs, no matter what bullshit they give you and how long will it be before some perverted little Hitler, with a major grudge,in his remote viewing room, abuses his position by taking camera phone pics and posting them on ORSM?

Pass the fucking lighter fluid.....

Monday, 12 October 2009

Tender Surrender.

Driving along Saturday evening after dropping my daughter over her friends for a sleepover, the sun was starting to go down and i had Steve Vais' "Alien Love Secrets" playing in the car. The last track "Tender Surrender" started playing and driving downhill with the sun setting in front of me and the window down, i had one of those moments where you think " is good". I may live in Newport but fucking hell, i might have been in California for all the cares i didn't have in the world right then.

Saturday, 10 October 2009

All welcome

The 2012 Olympics in London are going to be an amazing cultural experience. Imagine the hordes of international fans - Poles, Czechs, Russians, Hungarians, Latvians, Africans, Jamaicans, Indians, pakistanis, Iraqis, Turks, Greeks, Thais, Australians, South Africans - all of whom will have travelled as many as 10 miles to watch these games.

The Milk

This is probably a bit old now, but this is the first time i've seen it, nearly did a Gordon in my pants!

Friday, 9 October 2009

Hells Fucking Bells!!!

I hear construction giant Laing O'Rourke are set to axe up to 1000 jobs.....

BASTARDS!!!! That's another thousand fucking immigrants mopping up the benefits!

Wednesday, 30 September 2009


Looks like the family of scumbag Alex Simmons are under police protection after recieving death threats (presumably from pissed off locals).

Good!!! I'm glad some fucker is taking action, albeit anonymously, but the thing that burns my bladder is this....where the fucking hell was the police protection for Fiona Pilkington and her daughter when they called 33 cunting times? If the plod can sit for hours at a time on the roadside trying to catch unwitting transgressors of the speed limit going one mile an hour over the speed limit, then why can't they spend time on estates where there is known to be antisocial behaviour from cuntsticks like Simmons? What was that? Nooooo seriously? You're not trying to tell me that our good old boys in the thin blue line are more concerned about making money through speeding fines than keeping us all safe from feral rat boys are you?

The smelly cunt has been wearing the same
stinking clothes for ages, and the "BIG MAN"
rides a girly pink bike....poof!!!

Before long i can see decent folk rising up and reclaiming the streets from this filth, because the law of this country has proven itself beyond all reasonable doubt to be a nothing short of a national fucking disgrace, and the police seem to have forgotten that they are supposed to be there to serve and protect us from this disease, after all it is we who pay their wages (in more ways than fucking one.) Yup another tick on McSnottys' wish list of ways to send the country down the fucking pan.

And to cap it all, i ran out of petrol on the apex of the New bridge over the Usk this evening. Having rolled the car as far as the bottom of the bridge ramp i then had to push (power steering gone with no engine running) from the bridge to the Newport car auction place where we waited for a friend to come down with a jerry can. Whilst i was pushing it from the bridge ramp, a fucking police car passed us, the driver just looked and then deciding they'd made enough money from innocent motorists for the day, just fucking sped on.... THE BASTARDS!!! The only person who actually pulled up and asked me if i needed a hand was a muslim, but as i was almost where i needed to go i thankfully declined his offer because he would hold up more traffic by pulling in.
So as you can imagine i'm right royally fucked off tonight, so i'm off to see if i can find anything with an obliteratory content under the kitchen sink.....

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Celebrity Twat List #10

Jordan, AKA Katie Clapped out Copy Cunt Price.

Where do i get fucking started with this jizz junkie? We all know she is a publicity whore of biblical proportions but i wish she would know when to shut the fuck up and die. Peter Andre may be a dick of spiralling magnitude, but at least he has the sense and dignity to keep his trap mostly zipped whilst his cum slut ex shags her way around Europe, and then screams rape. Being the cynical opiniated cunt that i am, i think that putting out like she has since the break up of her marriage is a funny way of coping with it. Then she whines about him getting a TV slot (personally i thought he'd been sleeping with a TV for the last 5 years) and goes out flashing more flesh. And here's the best bit....after shagging around the spanish night clubs and seeing two bit actor, she then has the nerve to whinge about Andre having another woman. The words pot, kettle and black come prominently to mind here.

Katie here's a tip love, look to our glorious leader for some help with your illness.

Image found on Fidos page (changes made by me)

There's gold in tham thar envelopes....

Can't help noticing recently an amazing way to help ones' self through the recession....sell your gold!!! Really it's that simple, just phone the company or contact them on line and they will send you an envelope, into which you put your prized family jewels, and providing a dodgy postman doesn't realize where the envelope is heading (with the words Cash & Gold somewhere in the address) then they will assess the value of your gold and send you the cash!!!!! Gee..... my faith in human nature has been restored. Once the required amount of gold has been amassed you can then be rest assured that Gordon will sell it at a third of its value.

How fucking gullible do these grasping cunts think we are? Put your stuff into an envelope and send it, through the post to someone you have never met and expect to get cash back? Fuck me anybody who falls for that deserves to be cunting ripped off.

Monday, 31 August 2009

Coming soon to a closed post office near you...

Let's hope that the Royal Mail will soon be printing these off and that GOT gets all design royalties.

Would you buy ANYTHING from this cunt?

On weekends he also does kids' parties.

I see that after 10 series, they are finally pulling the plug on Blue Oyster Bar Live sorry, Big Brother. Well i have to say i'm fucking gutted (not). What started out in 2000 as innovative experimental TV, with a few grand thrown in for anyone daft enough to last so long under the gaze of a nation, rapidly spiralled into a total farce making celebrities out of no-fucker divas. It is just so typical of TV bosses in the UK though. In other countries they let the contestants get on with it, set them a few tasks and shake it up a bit now and then and it works....but this lot? Noooooooo, C4 & Endemol had to try and be clever and disappear up their own arsecracks (as well as those of the contestants they are fixing to win) and fuck about with the format all the time. The only one that has been worth watching this year has been Marcus (and he is a dick of the highest order) Since they tried to pin a racist rap on him earlier on in the show and he basically told them to shut the fuck up because they couldn't make it stick, they have been out to nail him with whatever they can (sound familiar?). So what we are left with now are two raging homos, a dike spike, a mincing little girlboy who doesn't know what his sexuality is, a cross dressing Iranian who hasn't yet been told he's gay and a walking, talking pair of tits.

I will tune in next year for the last rites of a program which has wrongly been influencing the lives of celebrity cult minded chavs for years and see that it hopefully incinerates on the bonfire of history

Friday, 31 July 2009

I'm a Wanker #5

I have to say this, it's nothing to do with any MP but more to do with a Nintendo Wii game the queer one picked up last week.

Ok this is a pretty tidy game for about £7 or whatever she paid for it but there is a point in the game where you spin the wheel and you get your category of question and sometimes, if the centre wheel lands on the arrow with a symbol, then you get either A. mostly a card which enables you to tweak the question or B. The "Double points dance" which i call the "Wanker dance" for reasons which will become obvious when you watch the following videos i found on U-Bend.

What a bunch of spaccas.....

I found that just sitting on the sofa, with the Wii remote being furiously pounded up and down in my right hand gets better results than standing up and acting like Ricky Gervais with piles.

Celebrity Twat List #9....

....Stephen Cunting Fry.

Apart from being a bloated fucking know-it-all homo who just has to get some gay innuendo in at every opportunity (and before the PC brigade get on their high horse and call me homo-phobic, think about this, i don't agree with homosexuality, i will not hate or cast out a person because they are gay/lesbian or whatever, but whatever floats your boat, just more girls for the rest of us...I AM NOT AFRAID OF GAYS OK? Learn your fucking Latin before you jump on the "Homophobia" bandwagon) He is just a total cunt. Whenever i see him on that fucking QI, there he sits, all lord and question master and whenever he comes up with something that you know the players are going to get "wrong" you just want to punch the smug twat right in the grid.

I'm sure that this cunt (or whoever does his research for the promise of an arse-shafting from a hero) gets his information from Wikipedia and takes it as fucking gospel. About three or four times i have done some research on something this bloated, gloating cunt has thrown forward as truth and proved him contrary, only the programme had been recorded so much earlier that it had probably only been disproved before anyway and that smarmy cunt just doesn't give a penguins puffy pissflaps because he is probably right now sipping Pina coladas' in SF anyway....

Smarmy Fat Cunt.


Fookin' 'ell....

I must be missed, i have one more follower than the last time i looked on here. Seriously though, just last weekend i was having a chinwag with Fido (not that our dear friend NEEDS any pointing to) and telling him that since the Euro election failed dismally to unseat the fat, one eyed, useless, snotbox digging, shreddie moistening, lying, deluded, stupid, pathetic, lonely (even though he is married to a woman that i would probably only last about ten strokes with) Scottish idiotic CUNT, the wind had been knocked out of my sails a little bit. But i really shouldn't feel sorry for myself, the main reason being that although a good part of my blogging is political, an even gooder part of it is about things that piss me off.

So, yeah....i think that is what i should start concentrating on.....stop feeling sorry for myself, kick my moody, adolescent brat out of her pit for an hour or two (at least per week) until i get my next computer, and fucking blog. I said to Fido (and Fido if you can please possibly remind me of the subject) that ther is something i wanted to spout my shite about and as soon as i remember it (too much Russian Standard right now) i will put it up.

G.O.T...... Thanks for your concern mate, i know i've been quiet, but apart from what i've just spoken about there are a few other private issues prevailing, but rest assured i will be back and i am working on a new vid, give my best wishes to The Eye, i'm glad to hear that he is recovering, and also my regards go to Lawson, I am glad to hear that you too are pulling/have pulled (heh heh he said pulled dude) out of your sick phase too.

Regardez all, i am coming back soon.

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Just for fun....

Sorry i've not been here much of late, as i am currently without a computer of my own it's a bit inconvenient and unfair on my daughter for me to keep using her PC while she wants her room for...well whatever pre-teen daughters do with their time. But rest assured i will be back and i am working on getting a new laptop asap. Meanwhile just for the hell of it, what cynical move do you reckon our sneaky government will try to pull this coming tuesday whilst the attention of most of the country is focused on Michael Jacksons' funeral? Bet a fiver to a pinch of shit they will try something.

Sunday, 28 June 2009


Further to the latest farewells to people well known, my daughter is convinced that since Michael Jackson and her pet hamster 'Cookie' died within 24 hours of each other, that they were jinxed by her saying "i hope MJ or Cookie never ever die"..... i am quite surprised at her entrepreneurial (is that the right spelling? don't ask Gordon) insight in asking "Dad? Who do you think i should jinx next?"

We can but hope.

The Hedgehog song.......

In the pic is a stupid plastic hedgehog i nicked, about 4 years ago, from a garden 3 doors up (which was at the time a former local (Labour) authority run special needs home). It is still the same thing now since it has been re-opened but neither here nor there, i just had to get the Labour bollocks in because Labour are a bunch of cunts.

Anyway i digress because for some reason, i named this little fucker 'Dan'. And these last few weeks i have been pondering "Why the fuck did i name him Dan?". This afternoon while i was doing a little (unusual for a Sunday) physical activity, it actually hit me with a flash of inspiration, and while i was supposed to be helping my brother clean out some apartments ready for a show launch, i was actually pissing myself laughing near a CD recording of the Q'ran (more later if i can Geert a pic lol) . I used to have a cassette recording of a Reading Rock festival from the early 80's and this is what i remembered......

I hope you enjoy.

Friday, 26 June 2009


Farewell to the legend that is Michael Jackson, i was looking forward to seeing him live in September but it's not meant to be, second star to the right and straight on till morning Michael.

Also a sad farewell to the beautiful Farrah Fawcett, who also left us the same day, a real beauty and now a true angel. I am going to have to grow old eventually but fucked if i am ever going to grow UP.

It really is my conviction that the last money spinning case against Jackson was what actually finished him off, so to all the Jordy Cunting Chandlers of this world, i really hope you're happy, i have a devastated 12 year old daughter to deal with now, so just FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND FUCKING CUNTING DIE YOU LAZY SPONGING LYING BASTARDS!!!!!

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

You Bend

In support of GOTs' vendetta against You Bend, here is my attempt at an alternative logo.

Also here is GOTs' video which mysteriously reappeared in another area of You bend.

"I got no strings....

...lying, deluded cunt!!! Don't look too closely though, you might see them.

Monday, 22 June 2009

A friend in need

Seems like the thought police are at it again and censoring free speech and videos, so it is with great joy i link you to The Grumpy Old Twat just to make sure his video gets another airing. So big fucking fingers to all you bastards who would attempt to shut us up and keep our heads down under your jack-boot....JUST FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!

Oh, and while i'm at it i might, nay WILL repost some of mine.

Sunday, 14 June 2009

Cunting little Hitlers....

It seems that my local Sainsbury's, in return for me being a valued customer for over twenty years or more, have assigned me my own Dog Shit inspector. Yes everytime i go in there recently, this bald headed, goateed security guard seems to make me his own pet project and follow me up and down the aisles, i know he is doing it because when i stop halfway down an aisle and look around he always seems to try to appear un interested in me.

It happened again today and the Queer one just thought i was being paranoid, until we were at the checkout and i was talking about it and not actually mentioning him or the situation, a woman from the next checkout came over and said to me "if you are talking about that guard with the bald head, then you're not paranoid because he does it to me all the time too" i thanked her for that because it vindicated me and next time he does it to me i am going to report him to management because it is really fucking me off now. If he has a problem with me then why not just say so instead of trying to make me feel like a cunt? The Queer one says "you can't report him for doing his job" but i can report him for victimization which i am sure is not part of his job description is it?

Sainsburys Security Guards = CUNTS

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Spot the difference....

"A motion to dissolve Parliament and pave the way for an immediate general election has been rejected by MPs."

Bet you a fiver to a pinch of shit that the cunts in control will be satisfied with the first one and won't put it to the vote again.

Sunday, 7 June 2009


Sean Lock on Susan Boyle..."Young extremists are thinking twice about blowing themselves up now they know what a virgin actually looks like"

Friday, 5 June 2009

Enough is E-Fucking-Nough!

Isn't there something in British law that says the current ruling monarch of the country has the power to call a general election?

Surely Her Majesty must be shaking her head right now over this fucking mess? How Does one get hold of ones monarch at such a time?

The Final Cut

Enough said i think.

More knives to twist

Fuck me they're dropping like cunting flies. Smith, Blears, Purnell, Hoon, Hutton and now Caroline fucking Flint. However i love her resignation letter (here copied from Penguins place) and if the bionic chinless cunt had an ounce of humanity, this would be a right old kick in the goolies.

Surely merits a high place in the Milf Scale?

Here's what this quite shaggable bitch has to say:

Dear Gordon

I believe the achievements of the Labour Government to date have been monumental and you have played an immense part in the creation of those achievements.

However, I am extremely disappointed at your failure to have an inclusive Government.

You have a two tier Government. Your inner circle and then the remainder of Cabinet.

I have the greatest respect for the women who have served as full members of Cabinet and for those who attend as and when required. However, few are allowed into your inner circle. Several of the women attending Cabinet – myself included – have been treated by you as little more than female window dressing. I am not willing to attend Cabinet in a peripheral capacity any longer.

In my current role, you advised that I would attend Cabinet when Europe was on the agenda. I have only been invited once since October and not to a single political Cabinet - not even the one held a few weeks before the European elections.

Having worked hard during this campaign, I would not have been party to any plan to undermine you or the Labour Party in the run up to 4 June. So I was extremely angry and disappointed to see newspapers briefed with invented stories of my involvement in a “Pugin Room plot.”

Time and time again I have stepped before the cameras to sincerely defend your reputation in the interests of the Labour Party and the Government as a whole. I am a natural party loyalist. Yet you have strained every sinew of that loyalty.

It has been apparent for some time that you do not see me playing a more influential role in the Government. Therefore, I have respectfully declined your offer to continue in the Government as Minister for attending Cabinet.

I served six years as a backbencher and, therefore, I am not unhappy to be able to devote myself to promoting my constituency’s interests and to support the Labour Government from the backbenches.

This is a personal decision, which I have not discussed with colleagues.


Rt Hon Caroline Flint MP.

Yeah, fucking go split arse!!! And when you're done trying and failing to climb the greasy pole, then get over here and encounter a pole you really can climb.

When is Jonah going to stop deluding himself? They really are going to have to drag him away to the Canvas Coat Happy Home.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

One James Gordon Brown PM (unelected)....

....last seen wandering round a cemetery looking for the burial place of New Labour....i didn't have the heart to tell him he'd lost the plot.


H/T to Lawson for this excellent webpage pic

 As regards to the CUNT of a subject, well you need to look no further than here to find out what the jackbooted CUNT is facing now. We need more to come forward, the more shit thrown, the more shit that sticks.

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Whatever floats your boat i suppose...

Found this while peeking over at Fidos

My concern is, what would Jacq Boots do for this poor cows medication problem? Maybe she could make her head interrogator of her SS Division?

Monday, 25 May 2009

Political Asylum

Not quiet, just busy

Been busy with family life of late, but i don't want things to quieten down with regards to the Uber Cunt Jacqui Smith.

She is even denying MPs the democracy so long enshrined in law in this country. Look at her pic too, she is looking so tired and desperate these days, let's hope the stress gets rid of her.

So just to re-iterate, Jacqui Smith, the porn loving, kebab scoffing, slack jawed home secretary is a CUNT!!

Friday, 22 May 2009

Monday, 18 May 2009


I've been listening to the radio all day today for news of the fat bastard being given his marching orders, and lo and fucking behold he is still there, bold as brass. When is this cunt going to get the message? Even Gordoom, like Pilate, has washed his hands of him and thrown him to the mob.

Yet the pig turns around and says the motion of no confidence tabled against him has no validity because it was not brought by the government. He can't do the job he was brought in to do, doesn't know procedure even though he has been in the job for nine spunking years, he can't even read off a sheet of paper for fucks sake. Did he not hear the one eyed wonder when he said it was a matter for mps? Does he really think he is so un-fucking-touchable? 

I personally don't think the lamp post strong enough for the likes of Massive Mick and Porky Prescott has been designed or built, so might i suggest the gantry of Tower Bridge? It would be a fitting landmark i reckon.

Thursday, 14 May 2009

8 more things....

1. The chargehand where i work, he is lazy, smelly and limp wristed, everything is a chore for him and we are just carrying him all the time, he knows fuck all and does fuck all.

2. Newport shitty Counsil, bunch of fucking hoons who think it's ok to rip up every other road and set up 4 way temporary traffic light systems just because they are shitting themselves to get ready for the Ryder Cup 2010.

3. Speaker Michael (Gorbals Mick) Martin. This Uber Hoon thinks it's ok to shut people the fuck up (Kate Hoey) in the house when they are exorcising free speech, just because he doesn't think his paymasters will like what they have to say...CUNT.

4. Gin, most disgusting drink EVER.

5. Broccoli and any other green veg except for peas and occasionally green beans, Jacqui Smith is OUT of the question.

6. The Fiat Multipla...has to be the spazziest car i've ever seen on the road, they should qualify for the governments £2,000 scrappage scheme on looks alone. Get these eysores off the fucking road.

Fiat ugly motherfucking motor

7. The mouthy fucking pissheads who gather round my street every wednesday night at 2 am after fucking student night, christ if they got a job they wouldn't need the beer to be fucking subsidized would they the lazy cunts.

8. TK Maxx...every time i go in there i see something i want but never have the fucking cash to buy it (no they don't just do chav clothes, they do some quite nice garden gear)

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

Tag, you're it.

Seems like i wasn't immune to this tag nonsense, cheers Fido. Where to rip.

1. Bono....posturing, self righteous cunt, enough said.

2. John Lydon, meant something in his day, but he's now just an irritating prick who advertises butter.

3. The sinister use of children in ads and propoganda to bring us round to the righteous way of thinking using emotional blackmail.

4. Britain's got talent...yeah? who are they fucking trying to kid?

5. The McCain oven chips advert from about two years back, did anybody ever notice the communist imagery in that? Scary.

6. The smoking ban, even though i no longer smoke, this has been a major contributing factor in the closure of many traditional British pubs in the last few years, fucking do-gooding nanny cunts.

7. bottom feeding pikey chav scum, who exist solely to leech the benefits from those of us who are  bothered enough to get out of bed in the morning, under some misguided belief that we bust our balls for eight hours or more a day to put food on our tables.

8. My tits are nearly as big as my wifes.

Tags Opinionated Crybaby (seems like every fucker else has been caught)

Monday, 11 May 2009

Grinning from ear to ear.

Can't say that i hold any opinion on Colin Farrell as i've never seen anything with him in it, as far as i know, but i love Stewies sarcastic rant at celebrity fashion victims.

Who gives a fuck?

So Katie & Peter have split up, big fucking awwww!!! What tickles me is the amount of silly sheep who never saw it fucking coming. Like they really believed theirs was a "match made in heaven".  It was all about publicity for the cardboard fuckers and nothing else. If there was any real intent there, then it was killed off the moment they decided they were going to open it up to public scrutiny, which says to me that there was nothing but self fucking interest. Just out of interest i commented on GrumpyOldTwats take on this and look at the word verification they gave me, how appropriate.

Slap and tickle...

When the Queer one heard of our poor PMs' predicament with regards to his self slap guide left in a taxi, she immediately came up with the above suggestion.

Too little, too fucking late!

I see MPs from all sides of the floor are now jumping on the apologising bandwagon. Well boo fucking hoo!!! Just like kids caught with their hands in the fucking sweetie jar they think saying sorry will be enough to stop them being sent to bed with a fucking good hiding.

Too fucking late morons! You've been caught fresh and now it's payback time, i hope you all end up fucking destitute like you've made a good many in this country, hang your heads in shame you troughing bastards, what goes around comes around.

Sunday, 10 May 2009

Hoon of the month (collective)

I would like to nominate Newport Shitty Council as my Hoon of the Month. In the first photo , the white line is the route i normally take to get to most places i need to go, i turn off at point 'A' then happy days off i go.

Now due to gas main relaying at point 'A' and therefore temporary 3 way traffic lights which take a fucking age, i now follow the red line through point 'B' which although a pain in the arse, only adds a minute or two to the journey and still gets me to where i need to go. The true problem is, if you look at the close up of point 'B' you will notice, in the red circle that there is space to park....ON  A FUCKING CORNER FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE!!!! On the other corner there are double yellow lines so no-one can park on the corner which is the way it should be, but on the corner where parking is allowed, there is normally a huge, white transit fucking van parked there (probably the cunt driving down there in the pic) so that i have to creep out into the middle of the fucking road, risking my life as well as others, because i can't see anything coming from the left, before i can carry on over the junction to where i need to go. I'D LOVE TO MEET THE CUNT WHO DESIGNATED THAT ONE!

One more thing that really fucks me the fuck off, in the third picture is the route i have to take to and from my estate. The red line is where, when i come home from work, there is normally a fucking huge line of cars parked, leaving only one side of the road for residents, and emergency services, to get in and out of the estate. Add to that, the road is on quite a slope too. The culprits? Fucking council staff from the nearby Civic Cunting Centre!!! Oh double line every fucking where round the Civic Cunting Centre yes... but fuck the scrotes from the local estate, after all they are only the fucking proles, the great unwashed, they don't matter. As long as THEY can park somewhere that's fucking ok then. Where the fuck do these thieving, authoritarian cunts get off?

Saturday, 9 May 2009

Get 'em in before it's too late

 All put through "on the nod" you know