Thursday, 19 November 2009
Right, this evening i've imbibed/ingested/drunk " industrial amounts of red wine" * and actually noticed that i can create another blog on the same account, so i fucking did....problem is, due to drinking " industrial amounts of red wine" * i haven't got a fucking clue as to what the theme could be, my political bandwagon has basically run its course, even though i'm gargantuanally fucked off with the GB Government.
Anyway, i've named this new blog " We've got lumps of it round the back."
What i am asking of you, my friends, is an idea as to what this thing could be about? I really enjoy reading all your blogs, whether they be rants, funnies, or sillies.....and i know a few of you have found mine amusing to say the least, but as i said i need a new course so any ideas, no matter how inapropriate/daft/farfetched/or taboo they my be, would be appreciated. Cheers guys (and Gals so as not to offend the PC who might stumble across my ramblings. I really need to find a niche here.
* (c) Grumpy Old Twat.
Monday, 9 November 2009
I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I’m afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more.
He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt
I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.
There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America.
Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist.
And they see Alistair Darling handing over £4,350 of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.”
It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?
You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.
You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.
The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.
Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.
I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.
So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit. onto in the meantime.
Guess what? It's gone
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Happy Halloween, and if any little bastard thinks to shove anything through my letterbox, well....let's just say i haven't recently fed the motion activated circular saw that slides down the inside of my front door.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
What gets me is she says that no images are stored or recorded. So what the fuck are they going to use as evidence? And also that it's impossible to recognize anyones face?...BOLLOCKS & DOUBLE BOLLOCKS!!! The technology for them to hone in on fine detail is theirs, no matter what bullshit they give you and how long will it be before some perverted little Hitler, with a major grudge,in his remote viewing room, abuses his position by taking camera phone pics and posting them on ORSM?
Pass the fucking lighter fluid.....
Monday, 12 October 2009
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Friday, 9 October 2009
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Good!!! I'm glad some fucker is taking action, albeit anonymously, but the thing that burns my bladder is this....where the fucking hell was the police protection for Fiona Pilkington and her daughter when they called 33 cunting times? If the plod can sit for hours at a time on the roadside trying to catch unwitting transgressors of the speed limit going one mile an hour over the speed limit, then why can't they spend time on estates where there is known to be antisocial behaviour from cuntsticks like Simmons? What was that? Nooooo seriously? You're not trying to tell me that our good old boys in the thin blue line are more concerned about making money through speeding fines than keeping us all safe from feral rat boys are you?
stinking clothes for ages, and the "BIG MAN"
rides a girly pink bike....poof!!!
Before long i can see decent folk rising up and reclaiming the streets from this filth, because the law of this country has proven itself beyond all reasonable doubt to be a nothing short of a national fucking disgrace, and the police seem to have forgotten that they are supposed to be there to serve and protect us from this disease, after all it is we who pay their wages (in more ways than fucking one.) Yup another tick on McSnottys' wish list of ways to send the country down the fucking pan.
And to cap it all, i ran out of petrol on the apex of the New bridge over the Usk this evening. Having rolled the car as far as the bottom of the bridge ramp i then had to push (power steering gone with no engine running) from the bridge to the Newport car auction place where we waited for a friend to come down with a jerry can. Whilst i was pushing it from the bridge ramp, a fucking police car passed us, the driver just looked and then deciding they'd made enough money from innocent motorists for the day, just fucking sped on.... THE BASTARDS!!! The only person who actually pulled up and asked me if i needed a hand was a muslim, but as i was almost where i needed to go i thankfully declined his offer because he would hold up more traffic by pulling in.
So as you can imagine i'm right royally fucked off tonight, so i'm off to see if i can find anything with an obliteratory content under the kitchen sink.....
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Where do i get fucking started with this jizz junkie? We all know she is a publicity whore of biblical proportions but i wish she would know when to shut the fuck up and die. Peter Andre may be a dick of spiralling magnitude, but at least he has the sense and dignity to keep his trap mostly zipped whilst his cum slut ex shags her way around Europe, and then screams rape. Being the cynical opiniated cunt that i am, i think that putting out like she has since the break up of her marriage is a funny way of coping with it. Then she whines about him getting a TV slot (personally i thought he'd been sleeping with a TV for the last 5 years) and goes out flashing more flesh. And here's the best bit....after shagging around the spanish night clubs and seeing two bit actor, she then has the nerve to whinge about Andre having another woman. The words pot, kettle and black come prominently to mind here.
Katie here's a tip love, look to our glorious leader for some help with your illness.
Image found on Fidos page (changes made by me)
Can't help noticing recently an amazing way to help ones' self through the recession....sell your gold!!! Really it's that simple, just phone the company or contact them on line and they will send you an envelope, into which you put your prized family jewels, and providing a dodgy postman doesn't realize where the envelope is heading (with the words Cash & Gold somewhere in the address) then they will assess the value of your gold and send you the cash!!!!! Gee..... my faith in human nature has been restored. Once the required amount of gold has been amassed you can then be rest assured that Gordon will sell it at a third of its value.
How fucking gullible do these grasping cunts think we are? Put your stuff into an envelope and send it, through the post to someone you have never met and expect to get cash back? Fuck me anybody who falls for that deserves to be cunting ripped off.
Monday, 31 August 2009
I see that after 10 series, they are finally pulling the plug on
I will tune in next year for the last rites of a program which has wrongly been influencing the lives of celebrity cult minded chavs for years and see that it hopefully incinerates on the bonfire of history
Friday, 31 July 2009
I have to say this, it's nothing to do with any MP but more to do with a Nintendo Wii game the queer one picked up last week.
Ok this is a pretty tidy game for about £7 or whatever she paid for it but there is a point in the game where you spin the wheel and you get your category of question and sometimes, if the centre wheel lands on the arrow with a symbol, then you get either A. mostly a card which enables you to tweak the question or B. The "Double points dance" which i call the "Wanker dance" for reasons which will become obvious when you watch the following videos i found on U-Bend.
What a bunch of spaccas.....
I found that just sitting on the sofa, with the Wii remote being furiously pounded up and down in my right hand gets better results than standing up and acting like Ricky Gervais with piles.
Apart from being a bloated fucking know-it-all homo who just has to get some gay innuendo in at every opportunity (and before the PC brigade get on their high horse and call me homo-phobic, think about this, i don't agree with homosexuality, i will not hate or cast out a person because they are gay/lesbian or whatever, but whatever floats your boat, just more girls for the rest of us...I AM NOT AFRAID OF GAYS OK? Learn your fucking Latin before you jump on the "Homophobia" bandwagon) He is just a total cunt. Whenever i see him on that fucking QI, there he sits, all lord and question master and whenever he comes up with something that you know the players are going to get "wrong" you just want to punch the smug twat right in the grid.
I'm sure that this cunt (or whoever does his research for the promise of an arse-shafting from a hero) gets his information from Wikipedia and takes it as fucking gospel. About three or four times i have done some research on something this bloated, gloating cunt has thrown forward as truth and proved him contrary, only the programme had been recorded so much earlier that it had probably only been disproved before anyway and that smarmy cunt just doesn't give a penguins puffy pissflaps because he is probably right now sipping Pina coladas' in SF anyway....
So, yeah....i think that is what i should start concentrating on.....stop feeling sorry for myself, kick my moody, adolescent brat out of her pit for an hour or two (at least per week) until i get my next computer, and fucking blog. I said to Fido (and Fido if you can please possibly remind me of the subject) that ther is something i wanted to spout my shite about and as soon as i remember it (too much Russian Standard right now) i will put it up.
G.O.T...... Thanks for your concern mate, i know i've been quiet, but apart from what i've just spoken about there are a few other private issues prevailing, but rest assured i will be back and i am working on a new vid, give my best wishes to The Eye, i'm glad to hear that he is recovering, and also my regards go to Lawson, I am glad to hear that you too are pulling/have pulled (heh heh he said pulled dude) out of your sick phase too.
Regardez all, i am coming back soon.
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Anyway i digress because for some reason, i named this little fucker 'Dan'. And these last few weeks i have been pondering "Why the fuck did i name him Dan?". This afternoon while i was doing a little (unusual for a Sunday) physical activity, it actually hit me with a flash of inspiration, and while i was supposed to be helping my brother clean out some apartments ready for a show launch, i was actually pissing myself laughing near a CD recording of the Q'ran (more later if i can Geert a pic lol) . I used to have a cassette recording of a Reading Rock festival from the early 80's and this is what i remembered......
I hope you enjoy.
Friday, 26 June 2009
Farewell to the legend that is Michael Jackson, i was looking forward to seeing him live in September but it's not meant to be, second star to the right and straight on till morning Michael.
Also a sad farewell to the beautiful Farrah Fawcett, who also left us the same day, a real beauty and now a true angel. I am going to have to grow old eventually but fucked if i am ever going to grow UP.
It really is my conviction that the last money spinning case against Jackson was what actually finished him off, so to all the Jordy Cunting Chandlers of this world, i really hope you're happy, i have a devastated 12 year old daughter to deal with now, so just FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND FUCKING CUNTING DIE YOU LAZY SPONGING LYING BASTARDS!!!!!
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Monday, 22 June 2009
Sunday, 14 June 2009
It happened again today and the Queer one just thought i was being paranoid, until we were at the checkout and i was talking about it and not actually mentioning him or the situation, a woman from the next checkout came over and said to me "if you are talking about that guard with the bald head, then you're not paranoid because he does it to me all the time too" i thanked her for that because it vindicated me and next time he does it to me i am going to report him to management because it is really fucking me off now. If he has a problem with me then why not just say so instead of trying to make me feel like a cunt? The Queer one says "you can't report him for doing his job" but i can report him for victimization which i am sure is not part of his job description is it?
Wednesday, 10 June 2009
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Friday, 5 June 2009
Surely Her Majesty must be shaking her head right now over this fucking mess? How Does one get hold of ones monarch at such a time?
I believe the achievements of the Labour Government to date have been monumental and you have played an immense part in the creation of those achievements.
However, I am extremely disappointed at your failure to have an inclusive Government.
You have a two tier Government. Your inner circle and then the remainder of Cabinet.
I have the greatest respect for the women who have served as full members of Cabinet and for those who attend as and when required. However, few are allowed into your inner circle. Several of the women attending Cabinet – myself included – have been treated by you as little more than female window dressing. I am not willing to attend Cabinet in a peripheral capacity any longer.
In my current role, you advised that I would attend Cabinet when Europe was on the agenda. I have only been invited once since October and not to a single political Cabinet - not even the one held a few weeks before the European elections.
Having worked hard during this campaign, I would not have been party to any plan to undermine you or the Labour Party in the run up to 4 June. So I was extremely angry and disappointed to see newspapers briefed with invented stories of my involvement in a “Pugin Room plot.”
Time and time again I have stepped before the cameras to sincerely defend your reputation in the interests of the Labour Party and the Government as a whole. I am a natural party loyalist. Yet you have strained every sinew of that loyalty.
It has been apparent for some time that you do not see me playing a more influential role in the Government. Therefore, I have respectfully declined your offer to continue in the Government as Minister for attending Cabinet.
I served six years as a backbencher and, therefore, I am not unhappy to be able to devote myself to promoting my constituency’s interests and to support the Labour Government from the backbenches.
This is a personal decision, which I have not discussed with colleagues.
Rt Hon Caroline Flint MP.
Yeah, fucking go split arse!!! And when you're done trying and failing to climb the greasy pole, then get over here and encounter a pole you really can climb.
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
Monday, 25 May 2009
Friday, 22 May 2009
Monday, 18 May 2009
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
6. The smoking ban, even though i no longer smoke, this has been a major contributing factor in the closure of many traditional British pubs in the last few years, fucking do-gooding nanny cunts.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Now due to gas main relaying at point 'A' and therefore temporary 3 way traffic lights which take a fucking age, i now follow the red line through point 'B' which although a pain in the arse, only adds a minute or two to the journey and still gets me to where i need to go. The true problem is, if you look at the close up of point 'B' you will notice, in the red circle that there is space to park....ON A FUCKING CORNER FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE!!!! On the other corner there are double yellow lines so no-one can park on the corner which is the way it should be, but on the corner where parking is allowed, there is normally a huge, white transit fucking van parked there (probably the cunt driving down there in the pic) so that i have to creep out into the middle of the fucking road, risking my life as well as others, because i can't see anything coming from the left, before i can carry on over the junction to where i need to go. I'D LOVE TO MEET THE CUNT WHO DESIGNATED THAT ONE!
One more thing that really fucks me the fuck off, in the third picture is the route i have to take to and from my estate. The red line is where, when i come home from work, there is normally a fucking huge line of cars parked, leaving only one side of the road for residents, and emergency services, to get in and out of the estate. Add to that, the road is on quite a slope too. The culprits? Fucking council staff from the nearby Civic Cunting Centre!!! Oh double line every fucking where round the Civic Cunting Centre yes... but fuck the scrotes from the local estate, after all they are only the fucking proles, the great unwashed, they don't matter. As long as THEY can park somewhere that's fucking ok then. Where the fuck do these thieving, authoritarian cunts get off?