If my hat wasn't nice and red with white trim on it, i would gladly take it off, throw it to the floor and stamp up and down on it with gusto.
Four hours...FOUR FUCKING HOURS!!!! She came (no innuendo please, it really doesn't bear thinking about), she sat and watched....and watched.....and watched the bloody tv. I refer the learned reader to a classic episode of Father Ted entitled Entertaining Father Stone
"Want to watch Jason & the Argonauts?" "no"
"Want to watch a disney film?" "no"
"Do you like corned beef?" "no" (into the bin flies a plateful of corned beef and pickle sarnies)
"help yourself to some food" her eyes lit up and with the most enthusiasm you've ever seen she was at the table faster than a somalian with a council house key.
Then it was straight back to the sofa with her nosh and watching Eastenders. The queer one made her a glass of mulled wine in the hope that it would knock her out but no such luck. She is the sort of woman that could gatecrash an acid house party and knock it stone dead. Even the lights on our Christmas tree and windows were fading from lack of will to live. Personally i felt that the Dementors from Azkaban had paid more than a flying visit. When four o'clock came round, i was already in the car and waiting quicker than road-runner stops for "free seed"
And so it continues....Merry Christmas Auntie Anne, same time next year?