Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Where have all the ball points gone?

One of the most abundant devices known to man, the humble ball point pen. Cheap as chips and nearly everybody buys them by the box, be it kids for their school work, bosses for their office staff, the foreman with his clipboard, hell just about everybody who has ever drawn breath has used one.

But try and find one when you haven't got one to hand and need it desperately, you had one there a few moments ago but now it seems to have disappeared throught the floor. You ask your wife and kids if they have seen one, your wife will tell you "i think there's one in the drawer"....WHAT FUCKING DRAWER? DO WE ONLY HAVE ONE FUCKING DRAWER IN THE HOUSE? you look in said drawer, which is bulging full of junk which you "know" you will use later, junk like keys, the locks for which have long since rusted away, felt pens (no fucking good) pencils with snapped points, endless (and beginning less) miles of gaily cloured cotton thread unraveled from spools intricately tangled in with equal mileage of unwound cassette tape, how the fuck that got there is beyond me as i threw all my cassettes out years ago in favour of the superior quality of the CD, but hell i bet everybody has a drawer like that don't they?.... Minus a fucking pen of course. your kids say they haven't got one when you know you can safely bet a fiver to a pinch of shit they have a handful of the bastard things in their pencil cases.

You ask your workmates if you can borrow one and nine times out of eight you always get some shit-wit who says "i can't lend you it, it's the only one i've got" as if there are no fucking pens in the world, and the ones these tight cunts are even more reluctant to part with are the fucking freebies given them by reps from visiting companies.

To quote from The Ryme of the Ancyent Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge:-

"Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink." WHere the fuck are all the pens in this world?

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