Monday, 2 February 2009

Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......

Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......

After stirring from a nap on the sofa and eventually figuring out where that intrusive noise was coming from, i answered the phone.

Screech: "Hello?"
Sanjay: "Ah hello, how are you? have you been facing overdraft charges in the last 3 years?"
Sc: "who are you?"
Sa: "i was just wondering.... "
SC: "i said who are you?"
Sa: "please if you will just give me a minute of... "
SC: "are you my bank?"
Sa: "no please bear with me...."
Sc: "i no longer wish to speak to you" (click)

11 seconds.....Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......

Sc: "hello"
Sa: "hello i was...."
Sc: "i thought i just hung up on you"
Sa: "are you hanging up on me?"
Sc: "i already did"
Sa "but please, have you been facing overdra...."
Sc: "are you my bank?"
Sa: "please just listen"
Sc: "are you the fucking HSBC? Look i've no intention of discussing my bank details with you if you are not from my fucking bank" (click)

Wide awake now....30 seconds on.......Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......

Screech: "hello"
Manish: "hi, are you the owner of this phone accou....." (click)

If it happens again, im going to ask them to wait a minute and then loop the Roobarb theme tune for about 1/2 hour see if they get the message. It isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to me, twice last summer I had a couple of itinerant loons phoning me up asking if i was interested on good solid land investment and when i said no they proceeded to lecture me and try to persecute me (or should that be re-educate me?) I argued on the phone with them wishing they would fuck off and getting rather worried as to why they would phone me ("your name was given to me as someone with an eye for business" and they couldn't even tell me my name). After this evening and getting quite used to this type of call, i came to realize that i am actually enjoying giving these muppets the run-around, i might even get them talking about whether i should hang maroon curtains in a room with azure wallpaper


All Seeing Eye said...

Some bastard in Bombay or Madras called me at 2am showing no awareness of the scary concept of time-zones.

Luckily also showing no account of the amount of gin I might have consumed, so the slurry "fuck off I'm asleep, I'm drunk, and you're a cunt" recorded phonecall probably won't feature on their internal customer service training sessions.

Fidothedog said...

When they talk say you will get back to them, put the phone down and walk away.

leave them sitting there talking to no one. Done that loads of times, check back every ten mins and advise you will get back to them...

Repeat until Abdul hangs up.

Anonymous said...


Those telemarketing telephone twats drive me fucking mad.

I have certainly used The Eye's 'I'm sorry my good man but I'm not actually interested in talking to you right now' technique. Makes me feel so much fucking better.

"Yeah, record that you cunt!"

After reading this post though, I shall also be trying out the alternative options of Screech and Fido. Thanks guys. They sound fun.

Oh, and have a listen to this,

Wish I'd thought of it!