Mystic Bill

Just thinking about the immigrant situation in this country earlier on when i suddenly remembered an episode from my teens. There was this old man in my street called Mr. Saunders, you know the type he must have been born aged ninety because he never aged in all the time i lived there, and we always used to chat to the old boy about loads of things, but one day while he was creosoting his fence he just stopped me and my friend while we were walking past and said "this used to be a bloody great town before all them nig nogs started moving in". We were fucking gobsmacked, never thought this gentle old fella capable of such (then unheard of) sacrelige. Looking back and after nearly wetting myself, i realize that there were only a handful of black families living in Newport at that time and most of them were down in the Pill area with a few foreigners of other denominations scattered around. Most of them were fairly happy to get on and work back then despite some local bitterness (due to ignorance more than anything) and pay their way. I thought back then that the old fella was just being a bit grumpy having never had much to do with them before.



But looking at the shower of shit that has been flowing across our borders in the last ten to fifteen years, i sometimes wonder if that old soldier had some sort of crystal fucking ball because he must have had some foresight of what this fucking country was going to be like in the future.

Cap doff to Billy Saunders...a doddery but farsighted old cunt.

Anyway, im fucking off over Fidos later for some long anticipated alcohol abuse, see you all later if im sober enough.

Celebrity Twat List #6 (continued)

Further to last nights rant about St. Paul of Glasnevin, i find when looking over at Old Holborns that the BBCs' favourite Irish Bum Boy of the week, has now gone even further than Being Messianic...oh no, not for him the trappings of high ranking mega twatdom, he now wants to be bigger than The Beatles. I refer to yesterdays BBC/U2 spunkfest


Oh for fucks sake!! Get a grip you pathetic twat! You're nearly fifty now for Christs sake, and the roof top thing has already been done...forty fucking years ago while the Beatles were still quite young. I'm not saying that at fifty a man should give up being a musician or anything like that (though i wish YOU fucking would) but stop trying to grab the fucking headlines now you deluded cock sucker. If you really wanted to be so fucking big, you should have done something worthwhile and original at least twenty years ago, now fuck off and go choke on Wossys cheesy todger, so he can phone your Grandmother on air afterwards and tell her all about it.

Celebrity Twat List #6

St. Paul of Glasnevin. Another "world saver" along with the likes of our one and only trouser wetting, one eyed Scottish idiot of an unelected prime sinister. Yes Bono, you probably did "bore the arses off Beyonce and Jay-Z" (not that i give a penguins puffy pissflaps because i think they are arseholes too) but more than anything you bore the fucking arse off me.


Ok you had your time with a few reasonably good songs, but ever since that immortal cliched line you wailed on the Bandwagon sorry Bandaid Christmas song, which has been stamped into the ground, you seem to have taken it upon yourself to become some kind of Media Messiah. Every new album you release is heralded with the trumpets of Angels when on closer listening each one sounds the same as the fucking last if not worse. Not to mention the million quids worth of buck shee publicity you got from the ministry of truth for your latest monstrosity. Not that i noticed it mind, just read about it in the press. As soon as any decent comedy is over on BBC i switch over or fuck off out for a beer or get on here to whinge about not being able to afford a beer, but that's something you will never have to worry about with that million you just saved by the suck hole BBC is it?

You are a Class 1, Grade A TWAT, a twat with a capital TWAT. You are not a cunt but a good all round twat. As twats go you rate among the highest. From now on you shall be called Bono that is called TWAT. Your address will be:- Twatleigh Manor, Twattington Lane, Twatsville Estate, Twatsburgh City, TC95 TWAT. Even run of the mill twats cower in your presence you, the Grand District Overseer UberTwat.

Just....... TWAT OFF YOU TWATTING TWAT!!!

Fucking show off!!!

It's been 24 years since i first learned some chords on a guitar and i haven't learnt much since either. I can probably do a passable rendition of Dylans Blowin' in the wind, sounding a bit worse than him i might add. Anyway i digress, the kid in the video, i don't know who he is but i hope someone finds him and signs him up soon, he is a fucking genius.

More funny videos from the "Heavy Movies" channel at Heavy.com

Kinda motivates me to go and plug mine in again. Well after a few more beers maybe, at least then it'll sound better to me.

Eric the banana

Watched an episode of Ice Road Truckers yesterday and couldn't help noticing (after a bottle of Californian red mind) how much Eric (above) looks like Fleegle from the Banana splits (below)

And here for your nostalgic pleasure.....

Britain is truly FUCKED. (A monologue on Chavdom)

Just got word of the loss of Wendy Richards due to cancer. We have known for maybe a year or more that she had this terrible disease and now at last she has peace after a stormy time.

But it has brought a real cauldron of rage seething to my surface, when i realize that Wendy had been all but forgotten whilst the Jade Goody Circus has been in town. I'm not laying into Jade here in any way or form, but this just goes to show how fucked up the media, and the stupid bloody chav orientated "entertainment" in this country really is. On one hand we have a real English Rose who has been truly entertaining the masses for thirty years or more, whether with her talent or with her charm and has been loved back in equal amounts, retires from the public eye (whether or not due to her illness i'm not sure since the announcements of both were so close together) and then releases said bad news which is received with traditional British reserve and cap doffing.

On the other hand we have....Jade! Like i said recently, i personally have nothing to hate her for and wish her the best, but the fucking media jamboree that has sprung up around her, probably only due to her young age, has been fucking horrendous!! Aside from the possibility that it was a "good time to bury bad news" you have to wonder at the gullibility of the modern British People, when a "reality tv star" with nothing whatsoever under her belt as a real celebrity draws the tears of a nation with greater ease than a real Angel of the Realm.

God rest You Wendy.
We will miss you.
You deserve peace now love.

R.I.P. British Common Sense

Squirrel launcher

I know this is an old one and i don't condone cruelty to animals....



....but this one always gives me a grin.

More from the udder side

Seems like Wacky Jacqui doesn't like men looking at her spaniels ears either.


Simple solution bitch, put the fucking horrible things away and wear a blue fucking boiler suit, might as well start leading by example.

Very shaggable

Looks like Jack-e-bab has made it onto Skys' 10 most fanciable MPs. Check Tory Poppins place for details. Well to be fair i would give her one, from behind whilst punching the fucking bejesus out of her kidneys for the privelege.



What i would like to know is how much she offered the list compiler to make sure she was on it, and is she claiming it back against her second home allowance? I'm not suggesting that Miss SSmith has "broken any law or even rule" mind.

To re-quote G.O.T. & T.P. ...."What the fuckety-fuck?"

Bye bye Dolly?

Word is Dolly might be getting das boot from Nulab high command. I hope so. Only went on labour fist that one night and already the whining self promoting shit rag has got on my tit.


Applause to Guido and all the others who rattled his cage and showed him up for the teddy throwing little ninny he is.

This way please....

Question: When you apply for Welfare in Pakistan, Lebanon, Somalia, Africa or Eastern Europe, what does that Government give you?



Answer: A passport and directions to The UK.

At what price?

See the way these people teach their children pure hatred from the time they can talk?



What is there to love about an ideology that preaches so much hate?
If there was as much hatred and intolerance for others in my society then i would seriously question whether my society would be worth preserving.

What? There is? Oh silly me, i forgot about Screaming lord Abdabs threatening to motivate 10,000 angry Muslims to come down to parliament if they let Geert wilders in(tolerant British multicultural society)

And i almost forgot Anjem Choudary (tolerant British multicultural society)

And i nearly forgot about all those bearded bigmouths in London protesting against the cartoons, demanding the beheading of those who insult Islam (again tolerant British multicultural society)

Now we cant even have pizzas with meat from humanely killed animals for fucks sake. Hat tip to Tory Poppins via Grumpy Old Twat for this one.

Celebrity(?) twat list #5

My perception of Jade Goody, though never really finding anything to hate about her, has always been that she is a publicity whore. That said, i now lay aside my cynicism about everything she does and wish her and her family all the precious happiness they deserve in such a trying time. Were i a religious man i would also be praying for her recovery.


But, once they have laid her to rest, the only time i EVER want to see her ditch pig cunt mothers face again is when it's pinned to a fucking dartboard. Ok, Jades rise to fame was questionable, but that ligging, steaming pile of rancid baboon shit is only famous by association, making her name off her daughters back. At least jade is famous for something.

JACKIEY BUDDEN....FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!

But it is funny how...

....the words Enwogion & Minstrels are in roughly the same place in the translation.

Hmmmmm.......

Still waiting...

Been nearly an hour N half since i wrote on Dollys site regarding, well, anything really, and she still hasn't posted it for all to see. Never mind, he may do it tomorrow (though don't hold your breath)

Dolly

Posted this with regards to Mr. Drapers' dim view in so called "racism"

Hey, Del boy, seen my latest blog?

http://thescreech.blogspot.com/2009/02/dollywog.html


It comes complete with a "Dollywog"
The things you say seem so insane
That i would like you to explain,

How anybody with a different view,
A view that disagrees with you,
Is by nature racist, (your favourite ace)
When you're in a corner, the card is "Race"

You can't defend your partys' stance
On foreign policy and "Bankers Chance"*
So all you do is air your voice,
On all things coloured, which try to devoid,

Us Native Brits of right to choose,
The ways and means to feed us we use.
We only want the right to live,
So please explain what choice you give?



* just a reference to the "It started in America" load of bollocks




Seeing as ole' Dolly is moderating her comments, i wonder if she will post it?

Dollywog

For GOT, a challenge laid.....


...is a challenge answered.

Ok, i know that it's not up to the standards of the late, lamented Tractor Stats, but hey, someone has to pick up the baton.

I can just picture, in my minds' eye, old Dolly flicking her head to the left, and pursing her bottom lip, to blow the left side locks from her left eye and forehead (i should know being a long haired cunt myself)

Are the Welsh racists too?

There is a line in The Land of my Fathers, more commonly known as the Welsh National Anthem which reads "Gwlad beirdd a chantorion, enwogion o fri;" translated as "The land in which poets and minstrels rejoice;"


I wonder if Dolly and her bitch brigade would try to have that banned for the enwogion bit?

Dear Dolly.....

Wonder what the wooly one at labourmissed would say about this?


Come on Dolly, lay it to fucking rest and change the record you whining fuckwart.

Foam party

Take a look at this photo....


.....You may be forgiven for thinking at first that there is a fog bank rolling in towards you but no. I noticed this from the other side this morning whilst dropping the Queer one into work and had the good fortune of a red light on the way back so that i could photograph it. It appears to be the latest craze sweeping Newport, to put soap or shampoo or washing powder, i don't know what they use in the fountains outside Newport Leisure Centre. This happened back last year and i thought "what a bunch of little twats" then i read the local reports in the Argus and they were saying things like "what mindless individuals could do such a thing?" you know the sort, making it sound like they had hung a one week old puppy from a lamp post using razor wire. Then i thought, as much as i hate the little shits that roam the streets causing havoc, that these kids were definitely not "mindless". Anyone who can come up with fountains + soap = one big fucking mess is definitely not "mindless" then i started to laugh at the big fuss that was being made and then laugh even harder at the thought of those kids nearly wetting themselves laughing while trying to run away from it. It's only the sort of thing i would have got up to when i was a kid had we had fountains in the town centre then. Apart from the cleaning up there was no real harm done and at least for about five minnutes, they weren't mugging old ladies or stealing car stereos.

Non punishment of the century

Just been watching Traffic Cops, i love watching those shows as it always gives me a feeling of smug, righteous self importance to see Britains chavs getting the trouncing they so righteously desreve (desreve? Fucking hell i must have been pissed. I meant deserve) on national TV whilst denying they were ever even there, even though the cops have the evidence. Is it only wishful thinking that i imagine the boys in blue giving the feral scumbags a good kicking just out of camera and mic shot?


Anyway i digress, they arrested a thirteen and a half year old lad running away from a stolen, crashed Nissan Micra, and the punishment for such a crime? A 12 month supervision order and 12 months ban from driving. So luckily for him by the time he is 14 & 1/2, he will be able to drive again.

Eh? Come again? A twelve months ban from driving? Fucking hell, the kid was 13 & 1/2 for christs sake, something which by law automatically disqualifies him from being allowed behind the wheel. So what the fuck good is telling him he is banned from driving going to do? He already knows he isn't supposed to drive yet he did, so what makes the stupid fucking courts think that just because they ban him he won't do it again? And these judges/social workers/liaison officers or whatever non job they hold, have allegedly been through our education system and got degrees in law and other higher mortal qualifications and are supposed to be our social betters who know what's best for us? Bring out the clown suits boys and start flinging flans, it could only happen in a circus.

Incidentally, how are any future shows of that ilk going to fare after next mondays fiasco?

Mind how you go.

Not too much longer i hope

He is a man so afraid of the population knowing the truth that he has to keep us under constant surveillance. So afraid of the population he passes more and more laws to criminalize and control us. He singlehandedly allowed the economy to slide into a recession so deep it will take years to get out of it. He is a man who took no heed of warnings given while he was Chancellor of the dangers of allowing the banks to carry on as they were doing.

He has been called "A one eyed Scottish idiot" and "The biggest coward in Europe". He still believes, or would like us to believe that he has done everything in his power (God that phrase is becoming so fucking cliched that i can nearly mime what he is going to say) and has made the "right decisions". He has presided over what is probably the biggest and most insidious infiltration by an alien ideology, of a civilized western nation, that the world has ever known and has allowed it to flourish, unopposed, so much that to speak out about it has become a crime.



For fucks sake Brown!!! What more do you want? How much more do you think you can bleed this country? You are universally DESPISED inside the UK and out. How much more telling do you need you fucking stupid one eyed Scottish idiot? You KNOW that you're going to get a hammering at the next election so what are you hanging on for? Just fucking resign and take the rest of your trough-nosing, slavering cunt farts with you. Because rest assured, if you keep screwing the people of this country the way you are doing, then one day, and that day will be soon i should imagine, the people are just going to stand up and say "No! Enough! You will take no more, we are coming for you." Just doesn't register though does it Gord?

Fucking benefit factories

I fucking despair of this country, this 17 year old sponger was already a single mum at 15 and is now expecting triplets, expecting a bigger house, expecting more benefits and expecting us to fucking pay for it all. And on top of that, her shifty, workshy boyfriend is signing on so he can stay at home and help her "look after the babies" until they are older (by which he probably means old enough to go out on the rob so he doesn't go without his draw), which i presume would be as soon as they are walking then?


Let's take a look shall we?:-

Miss Robbins admitted that, although she and Mr Thomas did not want a baby, they had not been using contraception. She said: 'It just happened.'

"just happened"? It "just happened" did it? One kid already and it "just happened"? Not keeping your legs shut "just happened"? Not planning any form of contraception "just happened"? Well let's see when you are 25, you have stretchmarks like tree bark, a belly button between your tits and a prolapse popping out every time you fart, let's see if you are still sitting back then and saying "it just happened" shall we?

She is aware that people will not approve of having children at such a young age but insists: 'It's not got anything to do with anyone else. When I was pregnant with Jaden everyone was staring all the time but it doesn't bother me.'

Here's a wake up call missy. It's got everything to do with everybody else. Everybody else are the ones who are stumping up for this cushy, easy life meal ticket you are building for yourself. It's really reassuring to know that whilst the economy is going to rat shit and people like myself are working hard to put food on our families tables and a roof over our heads AND paying taxes, people like your workshy selves are being looked after....ahhhh isn't that nice?

She also believes there are many benefits to being a young mother. She said: 'The younger I have them the better it will be because I'll still be young when they are young.'

Many benefits are just the beginning, i'll bet we don't know the fucking half of it do we?

And she joked: 'I've only got 15 years then they'll be doing what I've been doing - they'll go out and I'll stay in and look after their kids.'

There.....she's said it! She has admitted that she has the same plans for her kids as she has for herself! A life of benefit sponging and child production sponsored by the state (yes folks, that's you & me). What more evidence does this fucking blinkered, procrastinating government need to do something to help this already shit economy? Make the fucking father work for a start, none of this "i'm going to sign on to help her look after them" bullshit, he can start looking after them by fucking paying for them, i've got to pay for mine.

Last one out......GAS THE CUNTING CHAVS!!!

Tractor Stats

Anybody know why Tracs blog has been removed? Has Jaqueboots' stasi got to him? I hope his removal isn't permanent.

Newport Matters.....

Does it fuck?

Reading through the latest monthly pile of drivel posted through my door by Newport City Council. Well i need a good laugh.



Did i know? Did I KNOW? Well seriously, do you really think i give a frogs fat arse? What the fuck has this pile of arse-water got to do with Newport or even 2010?



Well that's all well and nice, and Newport could indeed benefit from more educational facilities, but what the artist failed to take into account in his impression of the finished article, was the local chavscum pondlife which will be littering every square metre of the campus grounds, throwing up Stella & kebabs, over the railings into the (non existant by the way) permanent high tide that is always depicted in artist impressions of future Newport (to hide the Sainsburys shopping trollies), pissing in doorways, copulating and beating up normal students for being "goffs" and "sweaties"...yes welcome to Newport.


Whilst on the subject of waste recycling, the paragraph by the side of the above pic read as follows:- 'If you recycle your Newport Matters today, it could take as little as a week to be turned into paper for a new edition'...What after i've wiped my curry tortured arse with it you mean? Here, i've got a better idea, why not save paper and energy and not bother printing the garbage in the first place? I'm sure my council tax would be better spent elsewhere, like keeping chavs off the streets?

And lastly, who is paid to come up with this bollocks? The Duke of Gloucester recently re-opened two of Newports' landmark buildings (why him is beyond me but still) the paragraph on one reads :- 'Malpas Court will reopen as a sustainability centre - an exemplar of environmental sustainability and a model of environmental good practice' What the fuck? can anybody explain that heap of arsewank to me? I would be eternally indebted.

Freedom Food

"Dad, you can compost that" rolls eyes and puts waste food in compost bin

"Dad, what kind of pork is that?" "pork from a pig pork" Strangles daughter as she goes to check packaging.



Jesus fucking wept! What kind of a society are we living in when a class of food can be labeled "Freedom Food Endorsed" then turn your children into the food police if they think you are exercising the freedom to eat anything different. Anybody remember the scene from Nineteen Eighty Four (the Peter Cushing version) when Winston was fixing the sink for his neighbour and that horrible little brat was gobbing off? Well that's what that Sainsburys ad (wonder if our ragheaded friends are concerned) made me think of, only if that was me under the sink, the mouthy little cunt would have had a monkey wrench slammed into her fucking grid.



Oh and whilst i am on the subject of food and pigs, shut the fuck up Worral whining fat bastard, you pathetic, whinging bag of shit! Just for once, the banks or this fuck up government are not to blame for your problems, perhaps if you hadn't disappeared up your own fat arse and charged reasonable prices for your over rated, celebrity spaz slop you call food, then you might still have a steady customer base. As it is i hope you drown in a barrel of your own lard!

"would you like cash back sir?"

It occured to me last night, going back over my bank statements until mid 2007, that my bank has been charging me silly amounts for being overdrawn. Well i knew this anyway as i have covered it in an earlier rant, but what i failed to see up until last night, was that if i totalled it all up, it comes to round about £1500.00p.


Now a chap i was speaking to last night said it doesn't matter what the charges are for, they are way overcharging me for what i have done, so i'm going to be seeing about getting that back as well, i only mention this because i saw a personal reg plate i want for my car and they want £289 for it, so if i can get my cash back and they still have the plate then happy fucking days. I'm sick and tired of being kicked in the teeth by the world, so now the worlds feet are going to be met with concrete gum shields.

I want Carol Thatchers' babies

This over at Tractor Stats. That woman has opened a real can of worms with her "gollywog" comments and i hope she NEVER apologizes for it.

We are not worthy!!!

Clarkson is now cool in my book

I never was too enamoured of that curly haired, opinionated, big mouthed cunt on top gear, never was too bothered about the program either. I didn't hate them but neither did i love them. But since the joke about truckers, Clarkson went right up in my esteem and recently, with the remark about our clueless, unelected PM i thought 'fuck, yeah, at last someone with the spine to say something publicly'. Then i switch on the news this evening to find that he has apologized, not for calling him an idiot, but taking the piss out of his appearance. What the fuck did he do that for? If the PM can't handle a little bit of piss taking then he is certainly not cut out for the job of running a country is he?


And the thing that tickles me about all of this is that The Royal National Institute for Blind People have jumped on this particular bandwagon. Chief executive Lesley-Anne Alexander said "Any suggestion that equates disability with incompetence is totally unacceptable" What's the matter Lesley? Takings down during the recession are they love? Feel the need to jump to the fore because no-one pays you any more attention these days? Now, i've no problem with the charity as i think blind people as much as anybody with any other disability should receive any assistance they require which is available to them, but Lesley-Anne, please, shut the fuck up and go back to strolling round the high street shaking your money can, firstly Clarkson was taking the piss out of Brown, not blind people and secondly the PM is a fucking big boy (insert fat jokes here) and if he has a problem with Clarkson then he can bloody well take it up with the man himself. He doesn't need your skirts to hide behind. As i said earlier if he can't take a bit of ribbing, especially at a time that we all need a good laugh, then he is clearly, in the words of former Home Secretary John Reid "not fit for purpose". Now we know that already anyway, but a sense of humour is a requirement for the job. Jesus H Christ! What is it lately with all these uncalled for defenders, coming to the defence of someone they think needs defending without even asking those who they think need defending if they actually want defending? Just fuck off!!! Oh and before you go, pass me a scotch on ice and don't let the door hit you in the back of the head on the way out.

Snow me down

Booked today off because of the impending snow storm, but this from GOT made me laugh. I'm wondering how long it will be before the Anti-Gollywog Brigade tries to ban the building of snowmen due to the white ones being in a majority and offending the black ones?



This should make them choke on their saltfish...silly fuckers.

Golly gosh

Quotes from Richard Littlejohns' article on GollyGate

The controller of BBC1, Jay Hunt, says it was heard by a dozen people but, again, gives no context. She also denies it was a private conversation because it took place on BBC premises.

Hunt insists it would still be 'inappropriate' if Thatcher had said it in her own home, but adds graciously: 'It is not within my remit to control what she says at home.'

Well golleeeeee Ms Hunt! So if something was said between two or three people on BBC territory, no matter that it was not 'on record' so to speak, then that conversation automatically gives you the right to say that it isn't private? Well, i suppose we've come to expect nothing different from the ministry of truth have we?

" It is not within my remit to control what she says at home" oh but i bet you wish it fucking was don't you? I'm surprised you haven't even gone that far yet. Who the fuck do you cuntholes think you are? Just shut the fuck up and start reporting some real cunting news.

Incidentally, i noticed Wikipedia are afraid to say the 'G' word too...spineless cunts

Update...

it appears that the reference to "Gollies" in the wikipedia article i linked to has mysteriously disappeared. Now how or why did that come about i wonder?

Update on the update...no wait, they still mention it here

Light at last?

Well bend Carol Thatcher over and bugger her sideways with a Golliwog!!! I got a phone call from the C-S-Fucking-A this evening saying they are willing to review my case, and can i send evidence of my reduced wages in a SAE which they will send to me? Well at first sign of this generosity i whooped for joy "of course i can Mrs. C-S-Fucking-A woman" i said, "i'll also send you a whole shitload of other evidence which will make you shiver to your very fucking core"


I've also discovered that the bastards have only gone beyond my protected income limit. I should be left with the minimum of £150 after C-S-Fucking-A deductions, but this morning somehow i ended up with £125, now i don't know whether my works are taking the piss or not but i do intend to investigate and if it happens next week, well that wage slip will be going in as well. Mrs. C-S-Fucking-A woman said "hopefully we can review your case, the reduction might not be what you want but blah blah blah yada yada yada...." i said "any reduction would be good enough but £121 quid a week during a recession and with no spunking overtime to boot is a bit of a jolly good fucking rogering in my books, especially when i have an eleven year old daughter to feed and clothe. Here's fucking hoping.

See you at teatime

Good on Carol Thatcher for refusing to apologise to the Ministry of Truth for remarks that were meant as a joke. Fuck them and their politically correct pen pushing arseholes. Like the world isn't in enough shit as it is, i wonder if the BBC are just using this as a divertory tactic to draw attention away from the real news....fucks sake pass me a scotch.


Fuck 'em Carol, moon the fuckers as well, might make them choke on their tofu the cunts

Big freeze...

Well so much for the major blizzards, by the time i got out of work this afternoon it was all but gone.



Still i managed to give the lads a giggle during morning break by making a fucking snow angel....yes the country is going to hell in a handcart, and The Screech is amusing himself by being a silly cunt in the snow. It was fucking cold when i got up and all the snow from the back of my legs dropped into my boots.

Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......

Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......

After stirring from a nap on the sofa and eventually figuring out where that intrusive noise was coming from, i answered the phone.

Screech: "Hello?"
Sanjay: "Ah hello, how are you? have you been facing overdraft charges in the last 3 years?"
Sc: "who are you?"
Sa: "i was just wondering.... "
SC: "i said who are you?"
Sa: "please if you will just give me a minute of... "
SC: "are you my bank?"
Sa: "no please bear with me...."
Sc: "i no longer wish to speak to you" (click)

11 seconds.....Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......


Sc: "hello"
Sa: "hello i was...."
Sc: "i thought i just hung up on you"
Sa: "are you hanging up on me?"
Sc: "i already did"
Sa "but please, have you been facing overdra...."
Sc: "are you my bank?"
Sa: "please just listen"
Sc: "are you the fucking HSBC? Look i've no intention of discussing my bank details with you if you are not from my fucking bank" (click)

Wide awake now....30 seconds on.......Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......Rrrrrrinnngg rrrrrinnnngggg.......


Screech: "hello"
Manish: "hi, are you the owner of this phone accou....." (click)

If it happens again, im going to ask them to wait a minute and then loop the Roobarb theme tune for about 1/2 hour see if they get the message. It isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to me, twice last summer I had a couple of itinerant loons phoning me up asking if i was interested on good solid land investment and when i said no they proceeded to lecture me and try to persecute me (or should that be re-educate me?) I argued on the phone with them wishing they would fuck off and getting rather worried as to why they would phone me ("your name was given to me as someone with an eye for business" and they couldn't even tell me my name). After this evening and getting quite used to this type of call, i came to realize that i am actually enjoying giving these muppets the run-around, i might even get them talking about whether i should hang maroon curtains in a room with azure wallpaper

Help the Aged....

....sponsor a Grandparent. 'How cute ' thought the Queer one and i as we sat watching an appeal ad during our tea. Then i nearly choked on my fucking chips when they started showing pictures of coffin dodgers in fucking India or Pakistan or some other far flung ancient out-post of the old empire. I mean for fucks sake, isn't it bad enough that we have our own Senior Citizens in this country (of all colours and denominations mind) who are in need of being looked after and sadly are let down by the misgovernment?

How could you forget about poor Uncle Sanjeev?
He looks so neglected bless him

Why the fuck, when we are neck deep in debt, arse deep in unemployment and forehead deep in brown shit should we subsidize Mr Patels forgotten old folks, when i know for a fact that half the money made by Doctors, shopkeepers & taxi drivers in this country ends up over there anyway? And they are one of the richest countries on the fucking planet.

Poor Mrs Deepak...who will
care for her in the autumn
years of her life?

Come on UK charities, get your fucking priorities right here. There are people dying and starving right here, on your doorsteps, in our streets.